Alhamdulilah for today. I've managed to get myself back on track, slowly. I'm still trying.
I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Just to make me understand things more. To understand His plan more.
One of the articles that I read, I shared with my friends. It says that you get along with someone in this lifetime because before the world was built, in the realm of souls, your souls have met. And if you don't get along with someone, just the overwhelming feeling of not being able to accept someone is maybe because in the realm of souls, you didn't meet each other.
I've always believed that soulmates aren't focused on spouses. I believe soulmates are people you will spend the rest of your life with and I have no doubt some of my friends are the people I plan to fill my life with. InshaAllah. Pray for my friends, I'm gonna crash at their place. A LOT. Haha
I also read this quote, ' pain changes you '.
Now, I'm not in pain. I promise you I'm not. Its more of an ache. Obviously when you like someone and they don't reciprocate the same feelings, just sucks. But you can't force someone to like you. Manipulating someone to like you, is even worst.
Wait, I take that back. Liking someone out of pity or just because you don't want to hurt that person. Now that's the worst!
This "pain", I'm going through doesn't hurt that much. I promise. Pain always disappears eventually.
Dayah asked me today that when I'm talking about a hypothetical guy, who am I thinking of? I swore to her I wasn't thinking about anyone. I just wanted to know their opinions. And I wasn't lying.
If I think about him, its mostly about frightened of meeting him. I just don't want to see him. EVER. (or anytime soon, still negotiable) And to be honest, there isn't really a reason to see him at all. I can guarantee that this time next month, I would have stopped seeing him at all costs.
I'm sorry but seeing him, just ... I don't wanna do it. He made me happy and when that's been taken away from me, what's left? Just let me imagine he'll still make me happy with a single smile.
Theres a lot of things that my friends don't currently understand because I tell most of my feelings and problems to Allah SWT. I made my decisions after talking to God and I trust that whatever that is happening, it'll be worth it. Now, I leave all my feelings and thoughts between me and Allah SWT. During what I do on my sejadah. That few minutes, I can tell Him everything and believe that He will ease everything else.
Accepting qada' and qadar to fill this empty space.